Networking 101 for Shy Lawyers

I was recently asked to put together a presentation on networking for young lawyers, a topic I'm always happy to opine on, now, but one that has been hard earned. My earliest memory of networking "training" as a young lawyer in the early '90s is of what today we would call a "meet and greet" with an accounting firm in our building.   Each lawyer and accountant around the big board table introduced him or herself, and the practice area. I said something like, "Hi, I started yesterday in the tax group." That was it.  No 25 word elevator speech.  Nothing brilliant.  Just a tiny little girl who looked like she was a teenager and was totally out of place in the group of suits.  I couldn't project my voice, and I suspect that the men at the other end of the table couldn't even hear me.  I don't recall getting any training or tips at the time about how to translate that short resume into connections on a professional level. 

I needed a lot of help with personal networking, since I wasn't a natural public speaker (my high school and college years were spent with books, not speeches).  I never took debate.  I had never taken a drama class.  I could write, but I certainly wouldn't voluntarily speak in front of a crowd.  I blushed easily (still do, I'm told).  There were no formal firm training classes, no blogs or websites or consultants for young lawyers.  Self help was the only path available.

For me, overcoming my natural shyness and reticence to talk to a group of strangers came about only after years of working at it indirectly.  My path to networking started with volunteering for a local bar association, coordinating lunch speakers, and serving on the various committees.  After a few years I was asked to speak at a meeting, which wasn't so scary by then because I was speaking mostly to familiar faces, in a forum where I had been in the audience many times. 

From there I went on to the statewide bar committee, and started over:  first just attending the meetings and volunteering to do the coordinating work, then eventually speaking.  Again, familiar forums, usually panel discussions, lots of familiar faces.

Then, once I'd rotated through all those positions at the state level, it was on to the ABA.  Not necessarily bigger audiences, but certainly fewer familiar faces.  By this time I'd been standing up with powerpoints and participating in panels for more than a decade.
 
The side benefit of all this was that I pushed myself to develop expertise in the substantive topic of the day, and then eventually became known as someone with a good deal of knowledge in the field. I don't think I'll ever be thought of as a skilled and entertaining public speaker, but I do know that I'm not painful to listen to.  I still don't have a booming voice or a huge presence at the front of the room.

Sometimes I can't even see over the podium, if it's a big one.  I've given up asking for a step stool.  That backfired once, when they put a milk crate out for me to stand on.  I had to stand on my tip toes because the heels went through the crate.  There I was, nervous as hell and barely able to balance enough and keep close to the microphone.  It desperately just wanted to hide behind the podium.
Today, it still makes me nervous to stand in front of a full auditorium, and I rehearse every line, prepare my index cards, and worry that I'll trip across the stage.  The best thing about putting myself out there to do this over and over, even though it scares me silly still, is that the informal conversations before and after are so, so easy and natural now.  And I kind of look forward to it.  Once I am finished, and the adrenaline rush subsides, I have a great time chatting with everyone in the room. 

Summertime Regrets

Ann Brneoff's musings on 5 Summertime Things I Regret Doing as a Teen hit a nerve with me.  Although I never was one to sit in the sun slathered in baby oil (my skin is either bright pink or white, never any in-between shade pleasing to the eye), I do relate to her thoughts on going outside the comfort zone. Sometimes I think maybe I go a little over board in trying new things, and especially recently I've thought maybe it is time to "do easy" for a little while.

I suppose it is typical of the human condition to look back on earlier decades of life and ponder things that might have been done differently, and the perspective changes as we go along.  I don't think there are any truisms that apply to all people and all ages.  But I'll offer here my personal regrets as applied to my career as a lawyer.  So here is my list of 5 Things I Regret Doing as a Junior Partner in Private Practice:

1.  Adopting an Attitude of Self Deprecation.  It took me two decades to feel comfortable talking openly about my skills to clients and potential clients.  This is definitely an area where I should have gotten professional coaching long before I reached the stage where I was trying to market my practice to new clients.

2.   Internalizing Self Doubt.  While it is one thing to understand that as a lawyer a huge part of the skill is in knowing what you don't know, I wish I had accepted earlier in life that what I did know was enough to tackle the problems in front of me.  I think I was fairly typical:  when I passed the Bar, I thought I knew something useful and had some skill. Within a few years I realized I knew nothing.  It took me far too long to get to a place of believing that I did have useful skills.

3.   Not Advocating for Myself and My Career.  For some women this is the hardest skill of all.  And the scariest--if I accept that I have to advocate for my career, then I can't blame anyone else if I don't achieve what I think I deserve.  I know now, and wish I had accepted many years ago, that the only person responsible for my career satisfaction is me.  Period.

4.   Not Recognizing the Difference between Role Models, Mentors and Champions.  Role models are not necessarily mentors, not all champions are mentors, a mentor might not be either a role model nor a champion.  I needed all three forms of support in my development as a professional, and I was often confused about what I had in the professionals who were critical to my career.  That confusion led to some disappointment, false steps and the frustrating inability to benefit from what was available.

5.  Failing to Recognize the Sources of Power in Private Practice.  I've written about this before, and will evangelize on the point until I leave the active practice of law:  The only reliable, sustainable path to control a career in private practice is to have the ability to attract, retain and be paid by clients who value your work.  Many lawyers (men and women) are content to take assignments from other lawyers who have the direct client relationships--what we think of as "service partners."  And there is nothing wrong with that if it is satisfying.  But to have power to control your work life, the types of work you do and the amount you get paid, you must have clients who want you as their lawyer, who have you on speed dial, who know that when they need legal help, you will be there for them.  There is no other path to power over your career.

So those are my regrets.

Is it a Weed? Is it a Flower?

I've written before about my garden.  I take great pleasure in planting, tending, pruning and ultimately harvesting vegetables and flowers from my garden.  This year I again have started several varieties of heirloom tomatoes and lettuces.  The cherry trees planted in late winter won't bear fruit this year, but I tend to them and chase off the deer who eat their tender leaves.  And the roses, oh the roses....

What I don't enjoy is pulling weeds or mowing the small patch of lawn we now have.  I also don't like raking up the tree litter,or any of the chores that require really heavy lifting.  So for the first time in several decades we hired a gardener this spring.  Now, sadly, said gardener is a bit of a rookie, and doesn't know the difference between young heirloom nasturtiums and common weeds around here, so I lost the entire row I had planted 6 weeks ago to an overzealous guy....  Two weeks ago he pulled out half of my lettuce starts...  The deer ate about half of my rose buds last month... The neighbors' gardeners nearly killed my old roses by hacking them back to build the new fence...

Seems like it's two steps forward and one step back with my little patch of heaven here, but I'll make some use of the lessons by using them to chat about my philosophy of building a law practice.  Gardening and developing a sustainable practice both take tremendous patience, careful fertilizer, regular watering, protection from inexperienced helpers, and of course one must be on the watch for others who would eat them before they reach maturity.  Some of the clients that landed in my lap in early years were more like weeds, they didn't belong in my patch of land.  Others started out very small, like a seed, some were more like bare root roses.  Like the inept gardeners, some of the lawyers who have helped with client cultivation over the years have thrown out opportunities as if they were weeds.  Tremendous patience, cultivating the clients as if they were prize rosebushes, yields some stunning success stories and very happy clients.

The other thing that occurs to me is that not everyone appreciates the same plants.  What looks like a weed of a client to someone else is a gem to me.  And vice versa, I suppose.

But the point of today's rambling is that building a practice takes a lot of time and patience.  Decades, really to develop a substantial, sustainable garden.

Can an Introvert Succeed at Business Development? Yes, You Can!

The word of the week seems to be "introvert".  In a recent Client Focus email newsletter, Sara Holtz made some interesting remarks about introverts:

Do you think you are too introverted to be a successful rainmaker?  Think again.

The stereotypical image of the successful rainmaker is the six-foot-two partner who comes into a room and fills it with his booming voice and gregarious personality.  Or it’s the glad-handing guy who doesn’t hesitate to ask for business.   Or the confident lawyer who commands the room as he delivers his sales pitch. 

But I have always been a bit suspicious of these stereotypes.  During my 18 years of coaching and training, I’ve observed that successful rainmakers come in all personality types–some gregarious, some quiet, and some in between. 

As it turns out, recent research supports my skepticism.  In his book To Sell Is Human, Daniel Pink cites studies of salespeople who sold a complex product.  Those at either end of the introversion/extroversion scale experienced about equal success in sales.  (Yes, I know, lawyers hate to think of themselves as salespeople, but that’s what we are in many situations.  We sell our ideas to clients, we persuade opposing counsel of our positions, and we convince prospects to hire us.)

Guess which personality type scored “off the charts” as successful salespeople?  Those in the middle.  People who are neither extremely introverted nor extremely extroverted–like the vast majority of us.

It turns out that extroverts–the classic big personalities–can talk too much and listen too little.  And listening too little often means failing to hear and understand a prospect’s needs.  If you don’t discover what a prospective client perceives as her needs, rather than what you think her needs are, you can easily wind up selling something that she isn’t interested in buying.  “Telling is not selling.”  I use that phrase to remind my clients that listening, rather than pitching, is the key to effective business development.

This point is also backed by the extensive neuroscience and behavioral research cited in the best-selling book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking.  The book’s author, Susan Cain–herself an introverted lawyer–highlights how quiet lawyers are effective because of their natural inclination to listen closely and ask questions, rather than make bold statements.

And on the same day as I got Sara's excellent observations, a note from Berrett-Koehler Publishing promoting introverts also hit my in box:

 Introverts may feel powerless in a world where extroverts seem to rule, but there's more than one way to have  some sway. As Jennifer Kahnweiler proves in this much-needed book, introverts can be highly effective influencers when, instead of trying to act like extroverts, they use six natural strengths that all introverts possess. Those strengths can challenge the status quo, provoke new ways of thinking, effect change, and inspire others to move forward.

It's no secret that lawyers who are successful at networking are the most likely to succeed in private practice.  If you are naturally introverted and cringe at the thought of putting yourself out there in sales mode, download one of these to read on your commute.  Or sign up for some training, check out:

Women Rainmakers Roundtable

Hasting Leadership Academy for Women

Rainmaker Workshops

ABA Women Rainmakers Spring 2013 Programs

Best Friends at the Bar

In April I hosted a"newly admitted students" reception for Hastings College of the Law, and met about 50 young men and women who, despite all the gloom in the media about job prospects in the legal industry, are about to devote three years of their lives and an awful lot of money in pursuit of a law degree.  Many of my colleagues at the firm also joined me in greeting these young optimists and passing along our thoughts on success in law school, and in private practice.

I am happy to introduce another woman, Susan Smith Blakely, founder of LegalPerspectives LLC, who has also put in quite a lot of effort to help young women lawyers.  Susan is a nationally-recognized author, speaker and consultant on issues related to young women lawyers, young women law students and young women interested in careers in the law.  She is author of Best Friends at the Bar:  What Women Need to Know about a Career in the Law  and Best Friends at the Bar:  The New Balance for Today's Woman Lawyer, which addresses the work-life struggle for women lawyers and includes twelve profiles of women who have successfully transitioned from one practice setting to another.  Ms. Blakely frequently speaks at colleges and universities, law schools, law firms and law organizations, and she has been featured in media including the LA Daily Journal, National Jurist, Washington Examiner Newspaper, Forbes Woman, DC Spotlight, Daily Muse and Huffington Post Business.  Ms. Blakely also is a frequent guest speaker and panelist at conferences on women's issues and the law profession.

Susan graciously offered me a guest post summarizing her responses to a recent panel discussion she participated in for women in business, which is excerpted from her original April 11, 2013 post at Best Friends at the Bar:

Q:  What do you identify as the most important thing that has contributed to your success?

Taking the long view of my career and making decisions accordingly—-having a plan and sticking to it and understanding that sometimes you have to step to one side or another or even backwards a bit depending on your circumstances.  The view from a step backwards can be equally beneficial as from a step forward and can inform your career in many important ways.  Always keep your eye on the far horizon. 

What key characteristics does someone need to succeed as a woman lawyer? 

Tenacity, self confidence, ability to work as an effective member of a team, a good sense of humor and the ability to distinguish between the times when winning the battle will lose the war.  Law is a tough and competitive business that demands a lot of dedication and commitment;  it is also rewarding work because you can make a difference and improve people’s lives.  Making a difference is underrated by the negative law blogs, but most practicing lawyers will tell you that it is the aspect of the work that is the most rewarding.

Does your specific undergraduate major matter in terms of success in law school?

Not really.  How much effort you put into your undergraduate major and how much you gain from that experience is more important than the particular major.  Some majors, however, like English, History and Philosophy, may be particularly helpful in terms of preparing you for the analytical thinking that will be required in law school.

Do you recommend that students go directly from college or university to law school or do you recommend that they work for awhile before starting law school? 

I recommend that they take a little time off between undergraduate and law school—or other post graduate education.  That is what I asked of my own children, and I think that it enhances the post graduate experience.  Additionally, many of you will have to take time off to work to save enough money to pay for at least part of your law school education.
Those interim work years will teach you to work for bosses you do not like—-because there are plenty of them out there—and will allow you to gain valuable experience on workplace etiquette and how to handle corporate or office politics.  It will change your approach to learning a profession and the value you assign to that experience. 

What would make an intern in your industry stand out?  What skills would he or she need to succeed? 

A valuable intern would be an analytical thinker, a good communicator, both verbally and in writing, and would have good networking skills.  An eagerness to learn and a willingness to tackle any job also are important. 

What is the value of receiving a dual degree in business and law? 

I think that the combination of an MBA and a JD is a very wise education choice.  Law practice is a business, and keeping firms afloat financially is a real challenge today.  Experience with business concepts is extremely valuable for members of law firm management teams and for case managers.  In business, a background in law is becoming more and more valuable as government rules and regulations increase and using outside counsel becomes more and more expensive for small businesses.  In-house counsel with business experience can more easily understand and interact with the C Suite executives and become valued participants in those conversations.  I think it is a win-win from both perspectives. 

What trends exist in law practice and how will they impact the way business will change over the course of the next decade? 

The law profession is changing in very significant ways.  Hiring is down as a result of the recession, and work is being sent off shore where it can be done cheaper.  Baby Boomer lawyers are not retiring, and middle level partners are not inheriting the work from those partners.  Demand for client development is greater than ever, and the competition for clients is intense.  Clients are demanding more diversity in their representation, and they also are demanding alternative billing/payment options.  Lateral hires with a “book of work” (clients and business) are often preferred to new hires right out of law school.  Alternative dispute resolution (ADR) has become an attractive and sometimes preferred option to the traditional trial route, and e-discovery and new technologies have changed the way that services are delivered and law firms operate.  Advertising for business is now done on Facebook and Twitter, and social media is gaining more and more attention from law employers—–which also means that potential employers are looking at your FB page and following your tweets.  Beware! 

Are there any obstacles that exist for women lawyers? 

There are still many obstacles for women lawyers, but we are making ground.  Men and women often think differently and approach issues differently, and the kinks are still being worked out as they interface in the workplace.  Women must be careful to be professional at all times and not send conflicting signals in the way they act and the way they dress.
Women still do not support women enough in the profession of law.  Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State, said it best:  “There is a place reserved in Hell for women who do not help other women.”  Senior women must be willing to mentor and sponsor junior women.  Without that, women will not advance to positions of leadership and management to be able to affect positive changes for women in the workplace.  The Best Friends at the Bar project is founded on the concept of Pay It Forward.  I hope we can make this practice and dedication to our fellow women catch on. 

The work-life challenges for professional women in business and in the law, especially for women with children, are very significant.  This also affects women with aging parents and disabled family members.  Women are stretched very thin in these situations, and they need to have Personal Definitions of Success that work with their particular circumstances.  Following the male stereotypes for success simply does not work for these women, and we need to respect the choices that they make and try to help them through the difficult caretaking phases of their lives. 

The most important thing is for women to identify what they can commit to their profession at the various stages of their lives and to find a way to STAY IN!  Going off ramp with the expectation of coming back into the profession at a later time is too risky, especially in these economic times.  Women need to find a way to continue the thread of their practice, one way or another, to safeguard their careers. 

What is one piece of advice you received from a mentor that you would pass on to law students and young women lawyers? 

SPEAK UP!  Do not let others marginalize you.  Plan ahead and stick to your plan.  I guess that is two! 

This is a softball for me, as you know from my books, blogs and speeches.  There is so much to talk about.  As a male-dominated profession, men still control most of the business, and they often prefer to work with other men.  Case assignments can be impacted by that preference, and women must demand their fair share of good legal work that will positively impact their careers. 

Do not be afraid to share your ideas and contribute to the conversation just because you are the only woman in the room.  You took the same classes the men did in law school, and you probably got a better grade!  Never let yourself be marginalized.  It will not be shame on them, it will be shame on you. 

Career planning is key, and it is a central theme in my books.  Your plans should be flexible enough for periodic tweaking as your circumstances change, but having a plan will give you the confidence of knowing that you are in the profession for the long run.  Make a plan and see how good it feels!

Thank you Susan!

Is It Enough to Lean in?

The Book of the Month for women these days is Sheryl Sandberg's Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead.  It's sparking a pretty good debate.  Angelica Perez Litwin makes some good points about why it's not enough for women to simply will themselves into success by leaning in.  Suzanne Braun Levine comments that by a certain age, many women are past the need to lean in quite so much.  With all the hype, I decided I'd better read the book myself so I downloaded it to my Note II on my commute yesterday.  So far I don't see much that is novel in her dissection of the challenges faced by professional women today, and many of the studies and statistics she cites are well known to women.

But I have absolutely no qualms in recommending the book as a must read for women and men who want to understand why women are underrepresented in leadership roles in business and the professions.  It doesn't have to be news to be noteworthy--It's a great thing, in my humble opinion, that another high profile woman is sounding the trumpet.  Someday the chorus chanting for change will be loud enough, and harmonious enough, that everyone will sing along.

I Sure Could Use a Nap

Ever feel like you are running on empty from the moment you open your eyes in the morning?  My impression is that most of us working moms suffer such chronic fatigue, for so many years, that even after our kids aren't keeping us up at night, we've become so used to the go go go lifestyle that we've forgotten what it feels like to get a good night's sleep.

Well, turns out, there are people out there prepared to help busy women learn to nap.  The World Sleep Summit on March 7 is a free on-line event that involves 4 naps!  Now that sounds like a seminar I could make it through.


 Organizer Karen Brody writes:

Are you a ridiculously busy person…
• Getting 8 hours sleep every night?
• Waking up refreshed?
• Over weight
• Feeling anxious often (maybe even Depressed
• Pre menopausal or menopausal hot flashin’
• Always serving others

Do you feel passionate about…
• Making a difference in the world
• Helping people thrive
• Living in a world that respects women’s rights

Need an oxygen mask?

Then take a look at the

World Sleep Summit

for Women’s Health and Power

 Or just go take a nap.